Time for IVs.

Back on IVs. I spent all day up at the hospital and the consensus is More IV antibiotics. My port was accessed and now I just sit and wait for the home nurse to arrive with my drugs. I am hoping to knock this infection out quickly, because I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. This has been a LONG past few days. I am exhausted. I am in pain. And I overall, just don't feel good. I am ready to get back to being my happy self again. I could really use some positive news and some cheering up.

I know I look like crap (I feel like crap), but here I am all accessed and waiting.

***Edit***

(Later on in the evening)

I apologize in advance to all my readers who think I am always so happy and optimistic. I am going to use this blog as a release tonight. I am letting it all out.

I am in so much pain I could cry. My fingers are all twice their size. My knees are full of fluid. My ankles feel like they are on fire. I can hardly move. I have taken 6mg of Dilaudid. It is supposed to be one of the stronger pain-killers available- a type of Morphine, and I am still in pain. I have puked 3 times I hurt so bad.

I am not used to taking prescription pain-killers, my tolerance is not all that high, so why aren't they working?

I want to soak in a hot bath. I can't because of this stupid port.

I can't sleep. I am restless. Day two of Prednisone should have given me some sort of relief. My whole body is inflamed.

I start IVs tomorrow. I am praying, hoping, and wishing for them to kill whatever infection is causing this misery.

My lungs feel heavy. I can't stop coughing. I can't stop gagging. I don't want to eat.

Miserable does not even begin to describe how I feel.

I know that I won't feel this way forever. I will do IVs for a few weeks and I hope to be back to normal. For right now, I so desperately just want to fall asleep and wake up when that happens.

I don't want to be on IVs over Thanksgiving. I hate being sick.

I hate spending money on medication, doctor visits, and CF.

I want to Christmas shop, do fun things with my kids.

This sucks.

Tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be.

All my CF friends know what I mean and understand how I feel.

I just want a break from it all. A chance to not have this darn CF haunting me or stepping in to ruin my life at the worst times possible.

I hate being a burden on family. I hate not being in control, especially when it comes to my own body. I just want it all to stop.

And if I was going to hire someone to come into my house and help me out, it wouldn't be a home visiting nurse. It would be someone to clean and cook.

And darn it, while I am complaining, I just want to shop for some new Ugg boots and a coat. (completely unrelated, but I feel like throwing it in the mix)

A make-over would be nice too. And maybe a new purse. But once again, CF has ruined that for me as well. Thank you Bactrim for costing me so much.

Ok, I am done.

I think I need a hug now and maybe a back rub.