My people pleasing addiction...

I have, for as long as I can remember, been a people pleaser. The very thought that someone does not like me, or the feeling of conflict, makes my palms sweaty. I have spent years bending over backwards to make sure that everyone I come across has a favorable opinion of me, and is happy. I struggle saying the word no. I want to be liked. I want to be loved. If I upset someone, disagree with them, or can't meet expectations, I feel like a failure. I have spent many years not feeling "good enough". I try and try and try. Yet I keep failing. Due to some recent events in my life I have had an epiphany. I have been driving myself bananas trying to please everyone else, and this has at times been at the expense of being fair to myself. I have been hurt in this process, and live with unnecessary guilt.

I will never make everyone happy. It is OK for people not to like me! I should not live my life within inches of an emotional breakdown. If I am trying to please every friend, family member, and person I pass on the street, than I can't be present for my husband and children. And I certainly can't be present for God. Pleasing Him needs to come first in my life. Next is focusing my energy on the needs of my husband and kids before anyone else. These three people are, and should be, my number one priority.

Back to my epiphany.

I have done everything for everyone, even when it has made me unhappy. I have been craving and seeking unconditional love and approval- but I am looking in the wrong places. I fear being rejected. I do believe that this stems from my childhood and not understanding why certain people were never present in my life. (although that is a completely different blog post! Do not get me wrong. I have an amazing mom and dad who gave me lots of love, support, and happiness, and still do.) I have always wanted to be seen as the "nice girl", and have preferred that everyone else gets their needs met without conflict. I want to get along with everyone! I have recently realized that no matter how hard I try to make everyone else happy, I will still be left feeling empty. But, not anymore. I am taking control over my own life and I am setting up boundaries. I am giving myself permission to say no. God is the source of my identity. It is not easy if it means others may not understand, stand in judgment, shake their heads, or pull away. But I want my whole being to magnify Him and I know that will never truly happen if I hide behind my people pleasing ways.

So...meet the new and improved Christina! Warning: I now say NO!


“Oh, Lord, let me only want to please You, putting You first. Show me how I can grow in You and how You can be glorified, before I am lured or tempted to please someone else at your expense. Lord, set me free to be who you truly created me to be. To say yes only when it is in line with your word and Your purpose for my life, not necessarily someone else's purpose. To have the courage to say NO, or wait, or not yet, if I am unsure, or to say no if I truly know in my heart, based on Your Word, that NO needs to be the answer. Help me to be a true warrior for you, Lord. Beautiful and feminine, but STRONG. And help me to truly know the individual soul that You gave me, so that in “truth and Spirit” my soul may glorify you!” Amen